We All Knew

February 28, 2017

Dear President Trump:

We all knew that Health Care was this complicated.

Sincerely,

Every American

Trivia Contest

February 28, 2017

The latest entry in the “Least Important Thing to Gripe About” contest is the picture of Kellyanne Conway with her feet on the couch in the Oval Office.

In my book, it ranks right up there with Barack Obama wearing baggy jeans while President (remember how long THAT discussion went on?), or Michelle Obama wearing shorts on Air Force One.

IT DOESN’T MATTER. If you want to discuss it, feel free. I just can’t believe that there are so many people who want to discuss it.

Making Our Mark on History

February 18, 2017

The man who invented the selfie stick has improved it. Now it’s a Selfie Stick-It. It has goo that lets you attach it to a vertical surface and take pictures by remote control.

So now those clueless people who carve or paint their names on rock formations, or chip off pieces of Gibraltar, can get goo on the Coliseum!

I wonder if preservationists are getting migraines.

Use Government Resources Wisely

February 15, 2017

In a TV interview, Kellyanne Conway, President Trump’s “Counselor” (nobody knows what that really means) said, “Go buy Ivanka’s stuff.”

This elegantly-phrased advertisement for the president’s daughter’s business was of course unethical (although I think she was just goofing around), and she was “counseled” herself about the matter; but now the Office of Government Ethics wants her investigated and perhaps disciplined. I assume that they’re trying to send a message to the administration that they are keeping a watchful eye on potential conflicts of interest.

It was a dumb thing to do, and if she pulls a stunt like that again, even after her “counseling”, she should be fired. But I hope nobody’s going to spend a ton of time and money on this particular matter. 

If you're going to investigate anything, investigate why a Phi Beta Kappa who graduated Magna Cum Laude from college and then got a law degree acts like such a ditz. (Is it some sneaky plan to throw us all off guard and then take over the world?)

Otherwise, save your resources—you’re going to need them. 

The LLPOF Club

February 15, 2017

Students at a Catholic school in the area wanted to start a gay-straight alliance club. The school president (I don’t know why he’s not a principal) said that they couldn’t, because the archdiocese said a club for LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) students would have to include conversion therapy (convincing gay people to go straight, as it were), and this club wasn’t planning to.

When the archdiocese said that that wasn’t true, he said that he used the term in error. I guess he didn’t want to be a member of the LLPOF (Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire) Club.

Plausible Adventures

February 7, 2017

Have you ever noticed when you’re reading a book that, no matter how much of a “Shucks, I’m just an ordinary gal” vibe the author tries to give the protagonist, there’s always something that would never happen in real life that’s essential to make the story work?

Stephanie Plum just happens to have a cousin in the bail-bond business, who happens to know Ranger, who can teach her things he learned in the Special Forces that will help her as a bounty-hunter. Abby Knight’s grandfather leaves her a trust fund, which she uses to buy a flower shop, etc. Bless their hearts, even Jane and Elizabeth Bennett just happened to meet guys who were loaded!

That’s why I liked The Secret Life of Book Club. It’s about women who live low-key lives who have adventures that are actually plausible. (Maybe not the entire story line, but the adventures, yes.) No character perpetually finds dead bodies, and nobody ends up being an inadvertent CIA asset. The women just have imaginations and do things that could (mostly) happen to real people. (And, Lord love them, they don’t all have some artsy-craftsy talent which they suddenly discover they can make a living at doing. Those women make me feel TERRIBLY inadequate.)

Anyway, if you want a book that doesn’t make you feel like having adventures is impossible, read that one. It makes real life seem as though it has way more potential than you thought.

The author is Heather Woodhaven.

Instant Reward Program

February 12, 2017

I get that not eating bad food helps you to not gain weight.

But why don’t I get to lose a pound just for not throwing the Oreos into the shopping cart in the first place?

Why Are Cats Like Hairstyles?

February 10, 2017

Because no matter how much you try to work with them, they always end up doing their own thing.

Let's Not Rush Things

February 10, 2016

I just saw a headline about a celebrity couple’s “breakup.” 

They’d only been dating three months. Is that even a relationship?