The American Spirit

February 28, 2020

Now that Lent is here, there are lots of fish frys around. I got tickled at thinking about how giving up meat on Fridays was supposed to be a sort of penance for Catholics; but people go out and whoop it up at fish frys instead. So while they’re technically obeying the edict, they’re not suffering much.

Since a lot of fish frys are fundraisers for churches, the Catholic Church doesn’t kick up much of a fuss over it.

I wondered if people in other countries did the same thing, or if it was strictly an American thing. The only person I consulted from another country said it seems to be an American thing.

You gotta admire that “lemons into lemonade” mentality.

Or at least I do.

(Later): After I wrote this, I read an article wondering if ordering an “Impossible Burger” was cheating; it’s not meat, but it has the taste and look of meat (says the article). Some people felt it was cheating on the whole spirit of sacrifice.

I wonder how they feel about fish frys.

Let the Politicians Do Their Part

February 26, 2020

In reference to another gang shooting, somebody said yesterday, “Gun violence is almost non-existent in countries with gun-control laws.”

My extensive reading of Dick Francis novels has informed me that even in countries with fewer guns, there’s still gang violence. So I wondered how gangs in other countries got their results.

Then I thought, well, maybe politicians here who don’t favor gun-control laws could research the issue. Then they could say to gang leaders, “Hey, in order get people off our backs about gun control, could you turn to [knives, chains, etc.] and leave the guns out of it?”

That wouldn’t solve the issue of firearms used in domestic violence incidents, of course, or stop people with mental problems from using them; but I’m sure that if the politicians really gave it some thought, they could come up with something.

Should I Be Worried?

February 21, 2020

It’s a little disconcerting to wake up with the song “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” running through my head.

She's Making an Effort

February 16, 2020

A St. Charles, MO woman was arrested because she left her two children, aged 9 and 6, from 3 to 6 a.m. while she went to shoot meth.

But, in the interests of good parenting, she did drive the kids down the street to the school bus stop.

Use Those Cartooning Powers for Good!

February 10, 2020

Today’s “Hi and Lois” comic strip annoyed me. Lois’s family is complaining that they’re almost out of clean laundry. That includes her grown husband and teenage son, both of whom should easily be able to throw in a load or two.

At first I thought the writers were just stuck in the past. Then I remembered that Ted Forth just made Hilary shovel snow for the first time, and that while the mom in “Pajama Diaries” was often seen holding baskets of laundry, her teenage children weren’t.

And then I remembered the anecdotes I’m still hearing about college freshmen being confused when confronted with actual washing machines.

New theory: The cartoonists should draw Lois giving a laundry demo. Even Dot and Ditto are old enough to sort it.

Then all the other cartoon parents should follow suit.

That Move Has “Movie” Written All Over It

February 11, 2020

Re: The drugs bags in “They Made It Too Easy” (Feb 12, 2020)

Just think of the move scenario that could be written:

The bags marked “BAG FULL OF DRUGS” seemed to be professionally labeled, which indicates that there are more of them.

Picture this: Cops make routine traffic stops and see more of those bags. But only 1 in 100 actually has drugs, so the cops start assuming that it’s a joke, and eventually get tired of searching the cars. Then the villains, driving carefully of course, pull off the BIG SCORE, traveling with the drugs in the clearly labeled bags, while the audience laughs.

Call me, Hollywood.

They Made It Too Easy

February 11, 2020

It’s not uncommon for a car pulled over for a routine traffic stop to be transporting illegal drugs.

What is unusual is for the drugs to be in a bag marked, “BAG FULL OF DRUGS”.

A drug-sniffing dog alerted Florida police to the presence of narcotics, and when officers searched the car they found the helpfully labeled bags.

Arrests ensued.

These Books Are Killing Me!

February 9, 2020

A few years ago, I was on a Jennifer Crusie kick, and her protagonists kept eating Oreos. Eventually I cracked, and bought a package. And you can’t eat just one.

Now I’m reading David Rosenfelt, whose Andy Carpenter waxes poetic about big, juicy burgers and crisp fries. Every time he gets one, it makes my mouth water.

Don’t any book characters turn to kale chips as comfort food? Just think of what a big influence they could be on the populace.

(Maybe.)

Language Question

February 4, 2011

We take time from perusing the Statesman’s treasure-trove of oddities (Feb 2 was a banner day) to ponder the following:

I’ve noticed that people who read aloud, or act on stage or TV or in movies, often pronounce words and inflections different ways. Sometimes you think, “Did the writer really intend for you to say it that way, and stress that word? It sounds weird.”

It would be swell if we had a series of accent marks or other indicators that said, “Stress here. Raise pitch here. Use Inflection A here.” Etc.

I understand that there are some ancient languages that have yet to be translated. Perhaps the writers were doing that—using different words or symbols to indicate how the words should be spoken. That would surely make translating a nightmare.

Hey, it could have happened.

Who's the Most Religious of Them All?

February 9, 2020

The sermon last night was about how the church in Corinth was fighting over which leader to follow. Theoretically, the dissension was over which of them was wiser; but I suspect that each of them had a different personality, and so those people with similar personalities thought that the guy most like them was wisest.

I mean, that’s how people choose their religions, isn’t it? Hellfire and brimstone people choose hellfire and brimstone sects; kinder, gentler people choose gentler religions, or in many cases, versions of the same main religion.

The trouble comes when you’re raised to believe that you’re stuck in a religion and can’t change, even if it doesn’t suit your personality or spiritual needs. But I digress.

Don Camillo Redux

February 9, 2020

I love the Don Camillo books by Giovanni Guareschi. The books tell amusing stories about Don Camillo, a parish priest in Italy just after WWII. His arch-enemy is Peppone, a Communist, who in principle opposes the Catholic Church and, by extension, Don Camillo. Their political views could not be any more dissimilar.

It suddenly hit me: Although the books are funny, the situation they describe is very similar to the political posts and articles I see online these days. The accusations and the refusal to believe that either side might have a valid point sound exactly the same.

But here’s the thing:

Don Camillo and Peppone fight and scheme and make life uncomfortable for each other; but when either of them is in trouble, the other one helps out. Really, they’re both decent people who have the best interests of their town and their people at heart, and they respect that about each other.

I hope that, when the chips are down, we can all act the same way.

Adult Entertainment: Superbowl 2020

February 3, 2020

All my Superbowl posts in one entry. (To be updated as I come up with more.)

The Superbowl: Bringing exotic dancing right to your living room.

My first thought was, “Men sing at halftime. Women do sex routines.”

When Shakira really got into her routine, I said, “All they need are poles.” And by George, they brought them out!

Now that exotic dancers know it’s considered respectable work, maybe they can demand a raise.

This makes Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction look tame.

Apparently you can do anything at the Superbowl show, as long as you don’t show a nipple.

Did any parents of young children cover their eyes?

What’s next: Male strippers at halftime?

I know that back in 2009 I wrote that I wished they had performers younger than Springsteen and The Rolling Stones; but now I’m sorry about that. At least their shows were about music, not sex.

How Will They Get Their Tips?

February 2, 2020

Looks like the Superbowl Halftime Show has raised exotic dancing to new heights.