Saturday, August 31, 2013

Flash Mob

August 31, 2013

A re-run letter in Carolyn Hax's column today was from a man who was disgruntled at the thought of having to come home immediately from work to be with his wife and newborn, instead of going out for a couple of hours every night with his friends.

He wrote, "I understand that she's also working by caring for our child, but gimme a break! I can't go out to the mall or go shopping when I work or take two naps during my workday!"

And 20,000 new mothers, on reading this letter, simultaneously reached for something to whack him with.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Exercise Some Common Sense

August 29, 2013

Dear People who bike and jog in the dark on unlighted roads while wearing dark clothing with no lights or reflectors,

You are idiots.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

How to Drive an Eavesdropper Crazy

August 28, 2013

(Just a little something I wrote in response to the surveillance program.)

How to Drive an Eavesdropper Crazy

Agent Straub pulled the headphones from his ears and practically screamed, “Somebody make it stop! Drive a red-hot spike through my eardrums! Anything!”

“What’s up?” asked a colleague.

“This incessant singing. One line, over and over. All day. The next day it’s another one. A song, or a snatch of a song. Or humming.

“Off-key,” he added bitterly.

His fellow-agents chuckled, but they sympathized, too. Whoever thought that listening in on this particular apartment was going to yield information on possible terrorist attacks had some ba-a-ad intel. Work, the occasional meeting with friends, TV shows…Nothing, but nothing to indicate the woman was a risk. Six months they’d been listening, and not a whiff of anything political or even unpleasant. Just her incessant singing. It was time to pull the plug.

Six months and one week after they’d started the surveillance, one week after they’d pulled the plug, another listener put on his headphones and began to take notes. He thought that a six-month lead time was a bit much for trying to lull any possible eavesdroppers, but those were orders. Now, to business.

One line off-key. One line on pitch. Again on pitch. Off-key. On pitch. On pitch. On pitch. On pitch. …

“Tuesday eight a.m. Central Market. …”

Let's Sleep On It

August 28, 2013

Haven’t heard much about the push for electronic textbooks lately, although I’m sure they’re still in the works. And college students are required to have computers for their schoolwork these days.

What I want to know is,  if looking at electronic screens within an hour before bedtime really messes up sleep the way studies show it does;

And if teens and college students are already sleep deprived, the way studies show they are;

And students are doing lots of activities after school and not getting to homework until later…

What will be the best way for high-school and college students to get their homework done?

(Parent: “Can you explain these grades?”

College student: “Well, I couldn’t study right before bedtime, so I decided to relax at the bar.”)

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Burning Questions

August 23, 2013

With some homeowners refusing to let firefighters interfere with their landscaping in order to fight the fires threatening their homes, will firefighters ever throw up their hands and say, “OK, we’ll let your house burn.”?

Will the Forest Service ever say, “If you don’t practice firewise techniques, we won’t risk our lives by even attempting to keep the fire from your house.”?

Will the Forest Service ever say, “If you build here, you’re on your own.”?

Will I ever be able to figure out the proper punctuation for the above paragraphs?

What's the Deal?

August 23, 2013

I need to know more of this story: Why was the mother who left her 21-month-old in the car for 3 hours (in June!!!) only given a sentence of 30 days jail time (suspended) and unsupervised probation when the girl died? Did she leave her there by accident? Surely she can’t claim ignorance of the fact that leaving a child in a hot car is dangerous!

Need more info.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Getting Back to Nature

August 22, 2013

If you are interested in camping, but don’t really like roughing it, you can spend $2,000 for an outdoor bedroom at a hotel in New York City. You can get a fireplace for roasting s’mores and a telescope for looking at stars; also a queen bed, a flat-screen TV, and champagne.

For only $300 at another hotel you can book the patio suite and have a bed on the patio floor inside a real tent.

Ah, the simple lifestyle.

(Actually, I give people points for wanting to spend the time outdoors. Ya gotta start somewhere.)