August
14, 2022
And now,
zooming out of left field, here are some thoughts I’ve been having for a while.
These
3 sentences bug me, whether I hear them in the movies or in real life. Number 2 especially makes me nuts, because people really seem to believe it
when they say it.
“You’re
the man of the house.”
That’s
often said by a dad to his young son as the dad goes off to war or something. I
only ever see it in movies, but it should be removed at once. The dad may think
he’s saying, “You’re an important person.” But what he’s doing is putting a big
burden on an impressionable kid who will then feel responsible for whatever
happens. Stop it. Say, “Help your mother.” That way the kid knows that Mom’s
got it under control and he can be her helper.
“Kids
are resilient.”
Yeah,
in the way that war veterans are resilient. They bottle up the stress or trauma,
and it comes out later in various unpleasant ways. A more accurate thing to say
would be, “With therapy, kids can learn to come to terms with what happened.”
Stop pretending that childhood is a magic spell that will cure trauma. It won’t.
“What
doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
No,
what doesn’t kill you doesn’t kill you, period. It may leave you crippled,
angry, sorrowful, desperate, physically weaker… Sometimes terrible things can
make you grow in one way or another; but sometimes surviving just means you’re
not dead yet. I feel kind of bad about picking on that phrase, because it’s
meant to be encouraging; but it’s really just dismissive. “You’ll survive—get over
it.”
So,
go forth and rewrite those tired old lines.
November 13, 2022
Headline of an article in today's Post-Dispatch: "Adversity doesn't always build strength." The article discusses why not.
