I'd Do It for Half that Price

 

May 22, 2026

 

The state-run Police Board that governs the St. Louis Police Department was looking for $300,000 to do a pay study. It’s already established that the pay for officers is too low to keep the city department fully staffed, so that part of the study is unnecessary.

 

If by “pay study” they mean looking at other departments in comparably-sized cities in regions with comparable economic factors, I imagine that they could just hop on the internet. After all, isn’t that what the officers are doing in order to find the better-paying jobs? And don’t sites like LinkedIn and other job sources tell people to do just that?

 

But, if the Board insists on having a study, I’ll take on the job for only $150,000. I’ll have to pay a sub-contractor to actually use the internet, but I’ll still come out ahead. And so will the Police Board.

 

 

Money Changes Everything

 

May 22, 2026

 

In order to access accounts online, you need a login, and most often these days, another layer of “security” (which somehow ends up with you getting spam messages that you can tell are directly related to the 2^nd layer, because of their content).

 

I have discovered an exception, however.

 

I was offered the option of paying a bill online. Having confirmed with another person who used the same service that no evil effects had befallen, I girded my loins and prepared to deal with the hassles of security, double security, and the various miscellaneous trials that beset the user of online services.

 

But: I clicked the message that had come to my email inbox, selected “Pay Now” and voilà! It immediately said, “Payment confirmed.”

 

Cindy Lauper was right: Money changes everything.

 

 

 

 

We Need Another Emoji

 

May 16, 2026

 

I texted my sister about a phenomenon of older age that I had just endured, and she wrote back,

 

“I was going to send an emoji for ‘Welcome to the club’, but there isn’t one.”