Friday, December 8, 2017

Where Work is Play

December 8, 2017

It’s an old story: Bankrupt company—in this case Toys“R”Us—pays millions in bonuses to executives if they make sales goals during the holiday season. The bonuses are to encourage them to give it their all to make the goals, and so that they won't jump ship during the crisis.

They’re obviously not doing that hot a job in the first place, so who cares if they jump ship? And why aren’t they giving it all they’ve got anyway? They’re already making over $1 million per year.

Do they get paid that much just for showing up?

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Why Mr. Spock Shouldn’t Decorate

December 6, 2017

I texted my sister a picture of a Christmas display I had made of a baking scene: a mixing bowl and baking accessories, some cookie cutters, and some decorations that look like cookies on a saucer.

After I sent it, I looked at it full-scale, and noticed that, while I was trying for a whimsical, carefree look, all the cookie cutters were precisely positioned for even spacing and maximum display potential. It was very geometric and soothing, but didn’t exactly scream “Good times!”

So I picked ’em up and dropped ’em randomly. It looks much less rigid, and more like fun.

I wonder how long I’ll be able to stand it.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

But Are They The Same Bars?

December 2, 2017

A man in federal prison got his time behind bars extended for running a drug-smuggling ring inside the prison.

Question: Does he do the extra time at the same prison, or will they move him somewhere where they can keep a better eye on him?

Not Right Now, I’ve Got a Headache

December 3, 2017

I keep thinking I’m done writing about sexual harassment, but news items just keep appearing.

The latest: Did you know that Congress has an actual fund (paid for by taxpayers) to settle sexual harassment cases?

So the members know that it goes on, and instead of making rules to deter it, or punishing the offenders, they have a ready-made fund to bail them out!!! (There are not enough exclamation points in the world for that sentence.)

I think that while Congress works on getting its moral act together, there should be a mandatory automatic payroll deduction for each member to put into the fund. Every member of Congress, man or woman (because women can harass, too), should be required to pay into it—like dues. If you can’t make them behave decently on moral grounds, maybe making them pay for the awful behavior that they allow will make them more eager to fix the problem.

And now, I have simply got to stop writing about this. I’ve got a splitting headache.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Interview With A Vampire

November 29.2017

Now that so many news personalities are joining the ranks of accused sexual predators, I’d like to see one of them interviewed as follows:

1.      Mr. Newsman, how did you select your victims? Many women who worked with you said that they are stunned at the accusations, as you never once gave any indication that you were an abuser. What made you pick the specific women you targeted?

2.      Were there certain women that you wouldn’t have harassed even if their jobs made them vulnerable to retaliation if they reported you or refused you? What characteristics made you not pursue them?
(In other words, were there people that you were scared to mess with? Why?)

3.      Did you sexually harass people before you were famous and powerful, or was the activity an outgrowth of your increasing power and a sense of entitlement or invulnerability?

4.      If you didn’t harass people before you were powerful, was that because you didn’t have those tendencies, or because you didn’t think you could get away with it?

5.      If you don’t feel that you had those tendencies before, what was it that led you to act this way once you became powerful? In other words, are we all doomed every time somebody gets famous and/or powerful?

These are actual scientific questions that I’m interested in, by the way, and they apply to politicians and bosses as well.

Did their high profiles lead to an increased sense of entitlement, or a lowering of inhibitions, that told them that they should act on any impulse? Or would they have acted like this anyway?

Please, somebody, interview the predators. I really want to know.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Ah, That Christmas Spirit

November 26, 2017

When the ornaments persist in twisting so that the scene is toward the tree and not the room:

“Damn, it, Santa, why can’t you ever face forward?”

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Old Twinkies Never Die

November 17, 2017

There used to be unkind jokes about the shelf life of Hostess Twinkies. Well, now they’ll last even longer.

I read recently that a distillery is using expired baked goods as a sugar source for its vodka, and Twinkies are a part of the mix.

They really are indestructible, huh?