Potty Affiliation

August 25, 2019

The city of Austin, Texas is grappling with the problem of homelessness. Since it has stopped issuing citations for sleeping on the street, homeless people have been sleeping near the fronts of businesses instead of in back alleys and other dangerous locations. And some don’t move away during the day.

One business owner is considering changing his political party affiliation over the issue. He’s gotten emails saying that customers can’t come to his store because it smells like urine. He says he’s a Democrat at heart, “but I’m feeling a lot more red these days when it comes to my business.”

Maybe placing some portable toilets somewhere away from the businesses would help.

He Could Dish It Out, But He Couldn't Take It

August 27, 2019

A man in Kennewick, Washington told officers that he had left his keys in his truck while he searched for a bathroom, and someone on a bike came by, threw the bike in the back of the truck, and drove off.

Turnabout’s fair play, I guess. Police later determined that the truck owner had been stealing items from a nearby business when his truck was taken.

At Least She'll Look Good for the Mugshot

August 27, 2019

A woman in Texas was caught on video breaking into a clinic to steal Botox. It was unclear whether she was stealing it for personal use or for resale.

Even if she’s selling it, she should keep enough to make her look good in the mugshot.

A Semi-Win for the Gipper

August 25, 2019

Fresh off the Stan Kroenke/St. Louis Rams debacle, St. Louis taxpayers turned down the chance to fund a Major League Soccer team in 2017.

Earlier this week, businessmen and city officials struck a deal that is reputedly a vast improvement over the 2017 deal, with taxpayers being on the hook for only about half as much as they would have been in 2017.

That’s progress. And it proves that sometimes citizens can fight back against having their money spent for them to enrich team owners and other entrepreneurs.

I can’t wait until the time when citizens actually come out ahead on the deal.

A Taxing Question

August 19, 2019

If a someone comes up with a great business idea, one that will bring in lots of tax dollars, if only the taxpayers will help fund it to the tune of several million dollars,

And the undertaking goes bust,

Who gets the tax write-off? The genius who put in a little of his or her own money,

Or the taxpayers, who really funded it?

(Later: I wrote to the business columnist. He said that the business owner gets the write-off. So now we know.)

Freezer Burn

August 23, 2019

Labor Day weekend is coming up, and that means that it’s time for my semi-annual Freezer Use It or Lose It game:

Ready, set…

“Does anybody know what this is?”

Too Slick for Their Own—or the Schools’—Good

August 20, 2019

For years, my family and I have been clipping Box Tops for Education like fiends. It was a great way to help schools without a lot of cash outlay or elbow grease.

But the Box Tops for Education program is changing. Now, instead of clipping and sending in those cardboard rectangles, you are supposed to simply scan your receipt and the app will scan it for eligible products and add the total to your school’s fund. It’s easier, says General Mills.

Nice try.

It may be easy, but do I really want General Mills having access to my private life, via my grocery receipt?

I don’t think so.

Would they use the information they gleaned to market other products to me?

I suspect so.

Regretfully, I’m putting schools on notice that, once the cardboard rectangles are all gone, so is my participation. I’m sad for the schools, but there’s only so far I’m willing to go.

Was It Not Part of the Major?

August 20, 2019

I can’t help thinking it’s funny that the local chapter of an alumni club, whose members include graduates from one of the top business schools in the country, can’t seem to find a way to increase membership or participation.

Did the school not teach marketing?

It’s Never Too Early—Or Is It?

August 20, 2019

I saw a Halloween candy display at the grocery store on August 19.

I was going to post a picture of it on Facebook, but I didn’t want to start an avalanche of comments complaining about how everything starts too early, blah, blah, blah. I just thought it was funny.

True story: Thinking I’d get a jump on things, last weekend I actually looked for the cranberry Jell-O I normally buy on Labor Day weekend (because of course, it’s gone long before Thanksgiving). 

But I guess that was going too far, because it wasn’t in stock yet.

Roll Over, Sophocles

August 17, 2019

A review in today’s Post-Dispatch refers to a local company’s production of “Antigone” as “hilarious.”

I’m guessing they tinkered with the script.

The Library Gets in the Game

August 15, 2019

You know how some retailers put on their receipts, “You saved $XXX today”?

Well, the St. Charles County Library in Missouri is doing it now, too. When you check out a book, it lists how much you’ve saved today.

Good strategy.

THAT Explains It!

August 15, 2019

The Loop Trolley isn’t performing as well as was predicted when they soaked taxpayers for the opportunity to fund it. In 2017, an annual ticket revenue of $394,433 was predicted for the first year of operations.

Between November 16, 2018 and June 30, 2019, the trolley produced $22,283.

The company’s executive director points out that the revenue projections were based on a seven-day-a-week schedule, and the trolley is only running 4 days, Thursday through Sunday.

So: Let’s double the six-month revenue: In a year that would produce $44,566. But that’s only for 4 days a week.

Let’s double that (I know, that’s 8 days a week, but if it was good enough for the Beatles, it’s good enough for me). That brings us to $89,132.

If the third car were running, and gaining revenue at the same rate, we could add $29,710. But the third car is not running yet.

So even giving generous margins for error, our first-year total will be…$118,842.

Still seems a little short to me.

Maybe it’s a rounding error.

The Tales of Two Politicians

August 16, 2019

In 2012, Missouri Rep Todd Akin stated that women who were raped wouldn’t get pregnant because the trauma causes their bodies to prevent conception.

In 2019, Rep. Steve King of Iowa says that without the pregnancies resulting from rape and incest, the human race might not be here.

I just read a line in a book that seems to sum up this situation:

“I think you made more sense when you weren’t talking.”

(The line is from Into the Thinnest of Air, by Simon R. Green)

I Think He's Overstating the Case

August 15, 2019

In defense of not allowing abortion no matter what the circumstances, Rep. Steve King of Iowa asked, “What if we went back through all the family trees and just pulled those people out that were products of rape and incest? Would there be any population of the world left if we did that?”

Yes, Rep. King, I’m pretty sure that, out of the billions of people born throughout history, there would be a few kicking around who were not conceived through violence.

Sorry, Wrong Number

August 15, 2019

Eager to further an acquaintance, someone texted an invitation to get together. The person on the other end responded, “…I think you have the wrong number.”

The texter insisted; further messages were exchanged, and the texter reminisced about the two of them getting high with some other friends. At that point, the person receiving the texts replied, “I’m pretty sure we didn’t get high together,” and sent a smiling selfie of himself in his police uniform, holding his badge.

Message finally received.

Forgiving Debt vs. Paying Higher Wages—Which is the Better Strategy?

August 6, 2019

Some people would like the government to forgive all student loan debt. The government would take a big hit.

Some people would like to see the minimum wage raised; that might allow some people to earn a living and still pay off their student loans.  Business would take a big hit, and some say that giving people that raise would doom the economy.

I would like economists to run the numbers and see which way helps the country more.

Mick, You've Got a Point

August 5, 2019

Mick Mulvaney, Acting White House Chief of Staff, says that mass shootings aren’t due to racist rhetoric; they are the acts of sick people. He says, “We need to figure out how to kind of create less of those kinds of people as a society…”

Grammar and imagery aside,

Let’s do it, Mick. Let’s start putting those funds for Mental Health Treatment into the national budget. 

Clearing the Air

July 10, 2019

My latest wish for an invention: 

An app that would automatically shut off a car engine after five minutes when the driver insists on running it to keep him- or herself warm or cool while he or she is waiting for someone, instead of going inside to wait.

The engine would remain off for ten minutes, then the driver could run it again for five.

Of course, this would make it inconvenient for people who are waiting for long trains; but really, why do you need to keep all that exhaust spewing into the air? Think about it.

Something to Celebrate

August 4, 2019

Today is National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day.

Two weeks ago, it was National Ice Cream Day.

One of my sisters asked, “Why don’t they have a National ‘Celebrate Your Weight Loss’ Day?”