There's Always Next Year...Until There Isn't

April 30, 2020

“There’s always next year.” How often have we said that? Well, here are some things I’m glad I did for the first time last year, because so many of the events won’t be available this year. (In fact, I missed some things this year, because they closed prematurely, and I hadn’t gotten around to going.)

• Went to visit friends I hadn’t seen in over 25 years.
• Went to the opening parade of Chinese Culture Days at the botanical garden; in previous years I had missed it because of participating in Earth Day cleanups; but last year I decided, “This is the year.”
• Went to the Mother’s Day art fair at Laumeier Sculpture Park
• Went on a vacation to New York City (2^nd time for that, but definitely good timing)
• Went to Cahokia Mounds
• Visited Grant’s Farm
• Went to the Balloon Glow at Forest Park
• Accepted an invitation from a guy to dance at an outdoor concert in the park
• Asked a woman to dance at a concert later in the season
• Rode the giant Ferris wheel at Union Station
• Tried new restaurants
• Went to the astronomy park
• Went to an opera here in St. Louis
• Saw the wreath display and the train display at the botanical garden

So, if you get a chance to do something, do it. Or you may have to wait a long time until your next chance.

Growing Pains—Lockdown Style

April 30, 2020

Don’t think of your hair as being too long; 

think of it as giving your hairdresser more to work with, if you want to update your hairstyle.

The Met At-Home Gala Shows Us How It's Done

April 29, 2020

I watched the Metropolitan Opera’s At-Home Gala over the weekend. Since people couldn’t gather on the Met stage, musical artists from all over the world live-streamed performances for the fundraiser, one after the other, each introducing the succeeding performer. I was touched at the international co-operation. 

Even more amazing were the pre-recorded orchestra performances. The artists were each playing from their own homes, but, somehow, they made beautiful orchestral music. One performance was a very moving tribute by the Met viola section for one of their members who died from COVID-19. 

The opening number was a performer in Switzerland (I believe). Since he was unable to get to a concert hall, he sang his solo at home, accompanied by an accordion. Now that’s making do with what you have!

Thank you, Metropolitan Opera. The check is in the mail.

Let's Just Hope He's a Good Guy

April 29, 2020

The St. Louis County Council has decided, on a split vote, to give Executive Director Sam Page’s administration complete authority to use $173. 5 million in federal coronavirus relief funds, with no council oversight whatsoever.

I’m not impugning Page’s character, but, historically, it has never been a good idea to let one person make all the decisions about taxpayer money. I’m absolutely astonished that this would happen.

The fact that that the vote was split along political party lines makes it even more annoying. Are people on the council so wedded to their party that they would ignore common sense and evade their fiscal responsibility to the taxpayers?

This, in my opinion, is almost criminally irresponsible.

Be Sure to Choose a Neutral Background

April 29, 2020

Facebook, which has been astonishing in the breadth of its invasion of its users’ privacy, now wants to get into the Video Chat game.

Picture it: You’re sitting in your living room, with an objet d’art or two in focus during your chat with Grandma. Next thing you know, you’ll be getting ads from Christie’s or an art museum on your Facebook feed.

No, thanks.

Getting an Education on Greed

April 23, 2020

Corporations weren’t the only entities helping themselves to taxpayer dollars meant to bail out the little guys. Universities with huge endowments, including Harvard and Stanford, took money meant to bail out schools and students facing financial losses triggered by the COVID-19 pandemic.

Before I could write a scathing post, Harvard, Stanford and Princeton said that they would not accept the funding. I hope that other higher-ed institutions will follow suit.

Thanks, Shake Shack

April 20, 2020

When Congress unveiled the assistance program for small businesses affected by the COVID-19 pandemic, some corporations interpreted the guidelines literally; companies that employ thousands and make millions used the guideline of having fewer than 500 employees in one location to stick their hands out. Companies with revenues of over $100 million lined up and got their money before others even had a chance to apply.

Among them were Ruth’s Chris Steak House—and if you’ve ever eaten there, or even looked at menu prices, you’ll know that this is not some struggling small business—and Shake Shack.

The company behind Ruth’s Chris took $20 million, and Shake Shack took $10 million.

Shake Shack is giving its money back.  The company’s leaders said that they felt that the money should go to small businesses that didn’t have the reserves it did.

Thanks.

Candygram

April 16, 2020

Four new species of walking shark have been discovered,

Bringing the total to 9—so far.

BWHAHAHAH! 

(OK, the sharks are tiny, but why spoil a good story?)

Dress Casually—But Dress!

April 16, 2020

Apparently, Florida lawyers aren’t the only people playing fast and loose with the dress code these days. (“Florida Man” Makes Way for Florida Lawyers, April 15, 2020).

Police in Taneytown, Maryland, have issued a “final warning” to residents to put on pants before going out to check the mailbox.

A Breath of Fresh Chemicals

April 10, 2020

A lot of people have trouble breathing when chemicals are sprayed on lawns in the spring.

Since COVID-19 damages the lungs, would it be helpful to not use those chemicals for the duration? Why put more stress on the lungs than we need to? 

Maybe a compromised breathing system makes people more vulnerable to the virus when those chemicals are floating around, maybe it doesn’t. 

But it’s something to think about.

“Florida Man” Makes Way for Florida Lawyers

April 15, 2020

With “Florida Man” stuck at home, Florida lawyers are apparently picking up the slack in the Goofiness Stakes.

A judge in Florida has requested that lawyers who appear before his court in teleconferences be out of bed and dressed. Swimming suits don’t count as clothing.

According to his letter to the Weston Bar Association, one male lawyer appeared before the court shirtless, and one female lawyer appeared while still in bed, under the covers; others were clearly lounging poolside.

I assume that any punishment for Contempt of Court citations in this matter would be served under house arrest.

Practicing Rationing

April 15, 2020

I just read that there may be food shortages coming due the economic slowdown caused by COVID-19. Prices could rise. Of course, it’s not a firm prediction, so don’t panic. But:

Maybe we should all practice rationing, in case it comes to that for real. Get out those old Depression-era cookbooks, with recipes that talk about how to feed a family on a potato and a handful of beans.

Just make sure to bring the spices. I’ve read some of those recipes, and they’re pretty bland.

Paperless Society?

April 12, 2020

Thanks to all the toilet-paper hoarders, U. S. searches for “bidet” reached an all-time high in March.

One company reported that sales for a $100 bidet attachment spiked in mid-March.

(Who knows? Maybe people will use fewer of those flushable wipes, and cut down on fatbergs.)

Air Quality—The Rerun

April 13, 2020

I read the other day that, for the first time in 30 years, the Himalayas are visible to people in Jalandhar, 100 miles away. This is because air quality has improved so much since cars and factories aren't producing air pollution during the lockdown.

That reminded me of something I posted several years ago, with succeeding updates.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

The Lorax and I

July 29, 2012

I just watched "The Lorax". The early scenes reminded me of this story I wrote a few years ago.

Vacuum

The vacuum man was late.


At first his absence didn’t worry anybody. Although a vacuum man had arrived promptly at 8 a.m. every Thursday morning for the last 20 years, people who noticed he was late merely thought, “Well, he’s always come, so he’ll be here any time.” And they didn’t worry.


At 10:00, people started commenting, “Hey, the vacuum man is late. Do you suppose anything’s wrong?”


At 12:00, people started to worry about how his absence might affect their lives.


Cynthia Estes, who was being married on Saturday, had planned her wedding down to the last detail. But if the vacuum man didn’t come, her perfect day would be ruined. The wedding might not even be able to take place.


Mrs. O’Hara, who had promised her children a swimming party on Saturday as a reward for making it through another school year, was less concerned on logistical grounds—after all, they could have a swimming party any time—than she was with disappointing her children, who were looking forward to the party as a way to blow off steam after another tough year of school.


The mothers of the other children, faced with the possibility of having to entertain them instead of sending them to the party, tried to resign themselves; but they hoped with all their might that the vacuum man would show up in time and spare them the ordeal of listening to their children complain all Saturday about how they wished they were swimming at the O’Haras’ instead of being stuck at home all day.


Human Resource Directors, although used to dealing with a variety of catastrophes, still shuddered at the thought that the vacuum man might not come in time. Every employee in the valley was guaranteed two Fridays off a month; if the vacuum man didn’t come on Thursday, the employees who were to be off this Friday might demand to get their day off after the vacuum man had come, which would put the whole schedule out of whack. You couldn’t blame them, but there was absolutely no way to accommodate them. One HR Director even went so far as to draft a “We’re all in this together” speech, accompanied by the offer of reduced schedules on the day after the vacuum man had come, to help make up for the lost Friday.


At 3:00, CEO’s started to get a little nervous as well. Suppose the vacuum were seriously broken? Would traffic be banned after a day or two? If employees couldn’t get to work, how would they maintain production? What would happen to the bottom line?


At 3:30, Cynthia Estes’s mother, her nerves already thin from the wedding preparations, snapped at her daughter, “I don’t know when he’s coming. Go lie down!”


At 5:00, the TV stations ran news stories asking, “Do we pay our vacuum men enough?” The human interest angle, they felt, would sugar-coat the main thrust of their broadcasts, which was to panic the population in the guise of disseminating news.


Cynthia Estes’s mother started calling her friends to see if anyone could spare a Valium.


People who watched the news broadcasts wrote letters to the newspaper, demanding that steps be taken so that the vacuum men would be assured of fair payment for performing this vital job.


Judd Delaney, this week’s vacuum man, was having a hard day himself. He had been working on the vacuum since 6 a.m. (What a day to have forgotten his cell phone!) At 8 a.m. he had started to swear, softly but steadily. By 3 p.m. he had a pounding headache and tension knots all through his shoulders and back. The only bright spot in his day was the 5:00 news broadcasts. Judd, who was amply paid, grinned at the pay question and thought that, after all, it didn’t hurt for people to actually think about the matter every now and then.


At 8:02 p.m. the Purevac 2300 started humming softly. Judd sighed with relief and maneuvered her into position over the valley. Now people could have their clean air on Friday and during the weekend. He’d have to work all night, but that was better than making thousands of people have their Friday off in the dirty air that was almost impossible to breathe.


At 8:12 p.m., the vacuum man finally arrived. And the people in the valley all breathed easier.


Anyone who lives in a valley will be able to relate to this story. The air gets stuck between the mountains and won't move, so the quality gets worse and worse until a lot of wind comes through and clears it. But I think that having a vacuum would be very helpful.

August 16, 2012

For the past few days, the Treasure Valley has been having its worst air quality in years—at one point the smoke from the wildfires was so thick that everything looked hazy, not just objects in the distance. I’d really love to have an air purifier for the whole valley.

August 17, 2015

Reality check: In the story, I wrote that the kids couldn't attend a pool party because of the bad air. A friend in Idaho just wrote that they can't go to the pool lately because the air quality is horrible. See? It's not just fiction!

December 1, 2015: Looks like a vacuum isn't such a crazy idea after all!
http://news.yahoo.com/this-is-a-brick-made-from-the-dust-in-beijings-110342416.html