The Other Team Was Just Too Good

September 30, 2017

Four soccer refs in Malawi are banned for life from refereeing because they took bribes to fix a match.

Authorities found out about the situation when the team that paid the bribe complained because they still lost the match.

Balance of Power

September 23, 2017

The killing of a powerful leader has left a power vacuum, and the fight to take his place may pose a serious danger to people in the area he ruled.

Nope, not talking about world powers today…

The downed leader was the dominant saltwater crocodile in an area of Queensland, Australia. He was illegally shot last week. Now wildlife officials are expecting increased crocodile activity as the younger males struggle for control. People using the Fitzroy River are warned to be especially careful in the next few weeks, as the power struggle may make the males more aggressive.

At least they’re not using nukes.

As Long As You’re Spying On Us…

September 23, 2017

Those creepy “smart” billboards make me wonder: How long before they install them in bars, where they could measure a drinker’s body mass and other data and determine when a customer has had enough?

(Cue the Michael Jackson music: “I always feel like somebody’s watching me.”)

It’s Not THAT Old A Word, Is It?

September 22, 2017

I was surprised at how many people had to look up the word “dotard” (recently made famous by North Korea’s Kim Jong Un).

Maybe only old people know what it means.

And You Thought Traffic Cams Were Bad

September 20, 2017

People who thought that traffic cameras were an invasion of privacy are in for an unpleasant surprise:

These days billboards can snap your license plate, get an impression of the type of car you drive, pick up your cell signal, and assess your demographic —all to help businesses target their marketing to specific areas.

Probably the only people happy with this scenario, besides the businesses themselves, are the municipalities who will have a much easier time in traffic court dealing with Invasion of Privacy defenses. I mean, after these billboards, the traffic cams look tame!

Timing Is Everything

September 20, 2017

A robber walked into a Subway shop in San Diego and demanded all the cash. The cashier complied, and he left.

Five minutes later, another robber walked in and demanded money. All he got was some loose change.

Man-Made Fibers Only

September 20, 2017

A woman took Hobby Lobby to task because she felt that its sale of art pieces featuring raw cotton bolls was racist, cotton having been picked by slaves 150 years ago. She wanted them to stop selling the art at once.

One person who commented on her post wondered if she was wearing cotton clothing at the time she wrote it.

Who Are YOU Looking At?

September 17, 2017

Yet another Ig Nobel prize was awarded to a team of Italian psychologists who found that identical twins can’t necessarily tell which pictures are of them and which are of their identical siblings.

The scientists drew a lot of conclusions from the study; I’m just telling you the fun part.

Cats: Liquid or Solid?

September 17, 2017

Another Ig Nobel prize was awarded to Marc-Antoine Fardin, who decided to find out if cats can be classified as liquids, given their fluidic properties at fitting into unusual spaces.

His conclusion? He still doesn’t know, but the cats are a good model for studying the flow of matter.

Didgeridoo: More than Just a Cool Name

September 16, 2017

This year’s Ig Nobel peace prize goes to the team from the University of Zurich, who studied the effects of playing the didgeridoo on relieving sleep apnea.

The didgeridoo is a musical instrument developed by indigenous Australians, and apparently learning to play it can strengthen muscles used in breathing, leading to relief of moderate sleep apnea.

So if you share a room with a snorer, consider the didgeridoo as a Christmas gift.

A Short-Lived Ambition

September 11, 2017

Looking to expand my homemaking repertoire, I thought I might try my hand at actually decorating a room. I thought I’d start with the computer room, since I couldn’t possibly make it look any worse.

I had been thinking of throwing some pictures on the wall; but as I looked at it, I realized that the first thing I would have to do would be to repaint it, since it’s sort of a weird light-brown.

But then I thought of actually having to choose a new color: should it be a color, or neutral; which shade of neutral; etc.

And I said to myself, “You know—the room really doesn’t look that bad.”

Hacking the Language

August 28, 2017

I saw a Facebook post the other day that listed some dryer sheet “hacks”: Using a dryer sheet to sharpen scissors, clean hairbrushes, remove nail polish, etc.

Back in the old days, we called those “tips.”

We Got the Blues

September 3, 2017

In related news to “Interesting Development” (Sept. 1, which talks about the St. Louis Blues wanting to build their new practice rink in a state park), St. Louis Comptroller Darlene Green has refused to issue bonds to pay for the renovation of the Scottrade Center, a privately-held entertainment venue. Her view is that the money would be better spent on public safety and essential city services.

She’s in trouble for it, of course, but I hope she wins. As with the ice rink, it would be swell if people weren’t forced into doing whatever big business wants.

Incidentally, who owns the Scottrade Center?

The St. Louis Blues.

I Should Be a Cartoonist

September 9, 2017

I’m amazed at how much stuff that’s in my blog has shown up in the comics in the past few months. I usually just figure that there are very few new ideas under the sun, so people are bound to come up with the same gags. 

But on Friday there was one about a hangnail and a paper cut as inspiration for artwork. That one kind of freaked me out.

If I were a cartoonist, I could have published them first, and in a place where lots of people would actually have read them. Maybe I need a collaborator.

Look Who's Talking

September 8, 2017

The other day a woman in my office building was brushing her teeth in the Ladies room. It took her several minutes, and she let the water run the whole time. I am stunned that in this day and age, people still don’t understand the concept of not wasting resources.

Another thing that drives me wild is when people sit in the car for ages with the engine running, spewing exhaust into the air, because they don’t want to go inside where it’s warm/cool enough for them while they’re waiting for somebody.

I could feel all superior, if I weren’t pretty sure that if I go to Resource-Wasting Hell, it will be for using tons of paper towels instead of cloth rags.

We all have our dark side, I guess.

Cut the Crap

September 8, 2017

I wondered how long it would be before people started blaming Hurricane Harvey on God’s punishment for human behavior.

It appears that some people think that gays are God’s target. Before 9/11 a hateful e-mail circulated blaming modern problems on God’s response to permissive parenting and removing prayer from schools; it was given a new intro and re-circulated after 9/11.

Allow me to respond. Please understand—I am not presuming to speak for the Lord. I’m just remembering what I read in the Bible:

God tells Abraham that He is going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham asks if the Lord would spare Sodom if He found fifty righteous people. The Lord says yes, He would spare it for fifty righteous people. Abraham keeps asking until the Lord says that for the sake of TEN righteous people He would spare the city. (Genesis, 18:32)

I firmly believe that there were more than ten, or even fifty, righteous people in the Twin Towers, in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, and in Houston. So please stop blaming God for causing mass destruction as a response to behaviors that you don’t approve of.

It’s unbecoming to you, and not very flattering to Him.

Interesting Development

September 1, 2017

The St. Louis Blues want to build a practice rink in Creve Coeur State Park. They are meeting with some serious opposition from environmentalists and park users who don’t want to see the park losing land to a hockey rink, the inevitable parking lot, and the general disruption that would ensue.

Undaunted by the opposition, and heedless of the fact that the rink hasn’t been approved by the National Park Service, a construction company began grading the disputed site. It’s for stormwater drainage, says the CEO of the coalition pushing for the rink.

Strangely, the permit issued for the grading says, “For construction of an ice rink.”

The St. Louis City Council has issued a resolution to delay the project. The National Park Service is also not happy, and has requested a delay until the project has gone through the proper channels.

Dare we hope that the public will not be bulldozed into having the rink at the park?

Now THAT'S a Question!

September 7, 2017

Overheard:

“Where the hell is my Bible?”