Holiday Humor

July 4, 2013

Isaac Asimov wrote a mystery story in which a man is unmasked as a Russian spy because he knew all 4 verses of "The Star Spangled Banner." No real American, contended the detective, knows more than one.

How far can you get?

A Morning Walk

July 1, 2013

I went for a walk this morning and saw a lone fuzzy duckling swimming in a pond. He was very nervous, and swam away from me as fast as he could. I’ve never seen a duckling move that fast. He was the duckling Olympian champion of swimming, and his stubby little wings were flapping like nobody’s business. He kept peeping, and I wondered why his mom didn’t hear him and come and get him. I hoped that by the time I came back around she’d have found him.

Farther along on the walk I saw two quail on the sidewalk. I hoped I’d get to see some babies and, sure enough, there was a swarm of them, each no bigger than a minute, which their parents herded under a bush. They are SO cute!

About the time I came back around to the spot where the duckling was, his mom flew in and splashed down. I was expecting some sort of ecstatic reunion, but she just stood on the bank and waited for him. I imagine that if she’d had arms, they would have been crossed in the universal Mom signal for, “Mister, you are in trouble this time!”

So he waddled out to meet her, and then they both got in the water and swam around, and he stuck close. Last I saw, it looked like maybe she was taking him back to the rest of the brood.

I love happy endings.

Small Mercies

June 27, 2013

Men are frequently frustrated by women’s ability to tell subtle differences in color: peach vs. apricot, pink vs. rose, etc.

Well, my sister just sent me a You-Tube video of a mantis shrimp. These little guys can see twelve wavelengths of light, where humans can only see three.

Good thing they aren’t home-builders. Can you imagine the decorating discussions?

Know Your Audience

June 27, 2013

Dear Paula,

Next time, put your racial slurs in a rap song. Then you could also refer to women as “bitches” or even worse names that I won’t print here, and get paid handsomely for it.

Too Much Time On Their Hands

June 21, 2013

This last line of this headline on Yahoo! today indicates to me that some people don’t have nearly enough to do:

Kardashian baby's name revealed

The reality TV star and Kanye West have given their daughter a name that doesn't begin with a "K," a source says. Experts weigh in 

A Guaranteed Ice-Breaker

June 19, 2013

I got a “Doctor Who” T-shirt for Mother’s Day. No matter where I wear it—hiking at the wetlands, going to a class—somebody recognizes it and talks about how much they like “Doctor Who”, too. 

It’s like being in a giant club.

Keeping Up With The Times

June 19, 2013

Just read an article saying that employers are now looking to see if prospective employees are on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, etc. so that they’ll know the applicants are capable of moving with the times.

In other words, I’d better never lose my current job.