It's Only Demonic if You're Not Paying Us for It

November 25, 2018

The pastor of James River Church in Ozark, Missouri, has warned his congregation against practicing yoga, which he says has demonic roots. The Assembly of God church has about 10,000 members, some of whom are actually yoga instructors.

Since the sermon, yoga teachers in the area have experienced a severe drop in class attendance, and it’s hurting their businesses.

However, a fitness center owned by the church offers a “body flow” class. According to some yoga teachers, one pose it teaches is identical to the Downward Facing Dog of yoga.

So—is yoga only demonic if you’re paying a non-church-owned gym to teach it?

Good Sportsmanship

November 23, 2018

Not sure how I missed this story last year, but it’s a goodie:

A 9-year-old boy who had never played goalie in hockey before volunteered because his team’s goalie didn’t show up for a match. His inexperience showed: He allowed 7 goals in the first period.

During the break, the other team’s goalie came over and gave him pointers. During the next 2 periods, the newbie only gave up 4 goals.

Kid A has guts, Kid B has heart.

Now, go face the day with the cockles of your heart well and truly warmed.

The Holiday Shopping Sales Mystery Solved

November 23, 2018

In November of 2010 I griped that the paper kept printing holiday shopping forecasts that wildly fluctuated from day to day, and said that they should just print the results in January and save newsprint in the meantime.

On November 22, 2018 the Post-Dispatch ran a column by Barry Ritholtz, a Bloomberg Opinion columnist, who explains why the predictions go up and down. He says it’s because the numbers are based on surveys, not data; and people don’t really remember how much they spent last year and won’t predict well how much they’ll spend this year, so it’s really all guesswork.

It’s nice to have that mystery solved.

APB on a Biped...

November 21, 2018

After the stories about people wanting to legally change age and gender, I wonder how long it will be before someone asks to legally change his or her species.

The guidelines for identifying people could take inventiveness to a whole new level.

Why Not Just Lie About It?

November 15, 2018

Still reeling from the possibility of people having Gender X on identification documents, I encountered this tidbit:

A Dutch man wants to make age optional as well. He doesn’t want to be 69, because he’s having a hard time getting dates online. He figures that if he says he’s 49, he’ll have better luck. So he asked a court for permission to officially change his age.

Why doesn’t he just lie about his vital statistics online, the way everybody else does?

November 17, 2018

The Post-Dispatch had a more ingenious solution: He should legally change his planet. Mars takes 687 days to orbit the sun, so if he were from Mars, he’d only be about 37.

December 9, 2018

The court rejected his request.

Maybe We Should Take the Hint

November 15, 2018

Someone is really dead-set against the Loop Trolley in St. Louis. (I mean, somebody besides almost every taxpayer who helped fund it.) It was originally expected to begin operation in 2013. Construction began in 2015, with a proposed opening date in 2016. There were delays.

Today, November 15, 2018, was to be the Big Day. The trolley is ready to go, and was set to start running at noon.

BUT: A major snowstorm cancelled the opening.

I think I’ll let somebody else take the first ride. Just in case.

November 21, 2018

The trolley us up and running, but not the full route yet. Someday…

Add Zombies to the List

November 15, 2018

Kentucky governor Matt Bevin has floated a reason for the recent spate of mass shootings:

Zombies.

Previously he blamed video games, cell phones, and access to psychotropic drugs for gun violence. This time he specified the fascination with zombies in games and film, arguing that American culture is “inundated by the worst things that celebrate death.”

Speaking of the shootings, he said, “We’ve had things that are fueled by both people that are insane, people that are hateful, and people that are just bent on wreaking havoc and perpetuating evil.”

I’m not disagreeing that the ritualized violence that people are encouraged to watch and participate in is not helping. But he forgot to add one other thing to the list:

Guns that fire multiple rounds in seconds, accessible, by law, to the insane, the hateful, and the people that are just bent on wreaking havoc and perpetuating evil.

OK, Governor, we’ll work on the zombies. You work on the guns.

Maybe They Were Sampling the Product

November 7, 2018

In an online article about how marijuana initiatives fared in four states, the word “recreational” was spelled correctly twice; and also as: “recrational” and “recrtational” (twice).

Wonder what that was all about?



(BTW, my auto-correct keeps fixing the spelling, so I’m really not sure what was going on with the writer’s computer.)

Math from an Artist's Perspective

October 27, 2018

A friend of mine tutors high school students in math. When they ask when they’ll ever use Algebra 2 or Calculus she says,

“Don’t think about what you’re going to use it for. Just think about how beautiful it is!”

It was a whole new perspective for me.

He Must Be New at This

November 3, 2018

A Missouri man entered a car dealership intending to scam someone, and he did. After he filled out the paperwork for a credit check, then left, a woman working at the dealership noticed that her wallet was missing.

However, the man was easily identified and apprehended, since he had given the dealership a copy of his driver’s license when he filled out the paperwork.

Are We Still Playing That Game?

October 25, 2018

When Donald Trump was running for president, the media gave great attention to every outrageous utterance he made. They thought that they were highlighting his unsuitability; all they were really doing was giving him free air time.

And now that he’s president, they’re still doing it. Everything he says, from the infamous “There were faults on both sides” remark to his latest—blaming the media and Fake News for bombs being sent to his detractors—is repeated loudly and commented on and given way more air time than it deserves. People are acting like the person making the comments is a responsible citizen, whose mind they will change by arguing with him.

I’d like to see these pronouncements given all the attention they deserve—a small paragraph on page 12 (or the online equivalent)—so that people can stop focusing on them and giving the man the attention he so desperately craves. All that does is play into the myth that his comments are worth listening to.

What people should be paying attention to are the assaults on civil rights, the erosion of environmental protections, and foreign policy, to name a few things.

Stop playing the game.

Guide to the Holidays

November 1, 2018

OK, Halloween is over, and you know what that means—It’s time for the Holiday Entertaining Guide.

Just recapping some holiday tips we’ve had here.

-Put out a new roll of toilet paper before the party. Your guests don’t want to have to hunt for it.

-Never assign bringing appetizers to the chronically late person.

-Don’t wait dinner for the chronically late person. Your other guests deserve hot food—and they were courteous enough to show up on time.

-Shop for gifts in the morning, not in the afternoon when everybody else is taking off work and clogging up the stores.

-My favorite gift-wrap method: Let somebody else do it.

-Don’t spend more than you can afford on presents, even if you have a spending over-achiever in the crowd. Get the best Christmas socks $2 can buy, and hand them out every year, if that’s all you can afford.

-Books are excellent stocking-stuffers, even if they don’t fit in the stockings. And the library usually has paperbacks in good condition that they sell for 50 cents.

-Pastors: Don’t wait until Christmas Eve to preach on the evils of using the Christmas season as merely a gift-giving/receiving season. It’s too late. Also, keep the Christmas Eve and Christmas sermons SHORT.

-All you people and groups who ask for extra money during the holidays: Stop It.

-I like Christmas baking, but I also like cutting out pictures of beautifully decorated cakes and candies from the catalogs that start flooding the mailbox at this time. They’re way prettier than what I can make, and I save a bundle on calories by looking and not eating.

-Most important: Grab your favorite movie, sit back, and enjoy the season.