A Sweet Piece of History

April 26, 2018

If I say that you may not be able to get Necco wafers anymore, you may say, “Eh, no big deal. I’ve never heard of them.”

If I say that the company who makes those little Valentine’s Day hearts with sayings on them is going out of business, you might say, “Oh, that’s a shame!”

Those hearts are Necco wafers in heart form. Normally they’re just—round wafers.

Some other things I didn’t know Necco wafers until recently (Thank you, Daniel Neman of the Post-Dispatch):

Union soldiers carried Necco wafers in the Civil War. The U. S. government issued them to soldiers during WWII because they didn’t melt and didn’t break in transit. (The article didn’t mention anything about Necco wafers and WWI. Maybe the government thought that giving the soldiers hardtack left over from the Civil War was enough of a treat.)

Admiral Byrd brought 2-1/2 tons of them on his first expedition to the Arctic, and in 1913 explorer Donald MacMillan brought them with him to give to Inuit children. These wafers are woven into the fabric of American history, even if we didn’t know about them.

So, if you run across some Necco wafers before they go out of business, grab yourself a piece of history. Savor the moment.

More Great Ideas for Dealing with School Shootings

April 22, 2018

Here are some more ideas about how to help teachers and students deal with mass shootings:

Activated by the sound of gunfire, robots could glide out of hidden recesses in school hallways, sneak up behind the shooters, and whack them with a mini-bat, or perhaps something more sturdy.

Armed drones, activated by the sound of gunfire, could hunt down the shooters and disarm them by any means necessary.

AK-47 owners could stage a demonstration for superintendents, politicians, and NRA officials: Take them to a shooting range, start shooting at targets, and ask who wants to jump in front of the shooters and throw rocks to try and stop them.

How About a Pitching Machine?

April 21, 2018

A school district in Pennsylvania gave teachers mini baseball bats in case of an armed attack. The superintendent said that they were a symbolic “last resort” for teachers who wanted to fight back, not just hide and wait.

Another school district in Pennsylvania handed out buckets of rocks for students and teachers to throw at shooters.

If you’re looking for bizarre solutions, why not just install a pitching machine in every classroom? Teachers could aim it at the doorway and then duck, hoping that a fastball would bean the shooter before he shoots the machine.

Or they could aim it at the next official who comes up with a stupid idea about how students should deal with shooters.

I Asked and I Received

April 19, 2018

In “Ask and Ye Shall Receive” (September 18, 2016) I said that I’d like to be able fly to the Berkshires to see the leaves at their peak, or to DC to see the cherry blossoms, without having to plan a vacation in advance that might miss the best dates altogether.

Then I discovered that Pere Marquette Park has beautiful foliage within an hour’s drive. All I needed, I said, was some cherry blossoms nearby, and I could dispense with the private jet wish.

Done.

The botanical garden’s cherry blossoms aren’t as spectacular, I assume, as the ones in Washington, D.C., but they do put on a pretty good display.

I asked and I received.

They Are Not Excelling

April 12, 2018

If Google wants its Google Sheets to be taken seriously, why on earth didn’t they include the Group Worksheets function in their spreadsheets?

Until they do, I’m sticking with Excel.

M. Thenardier Would Be Proud

April 15, 2018

The hospitality industry is getting extremely creative about ways to charge fees. An article I read today mentioned a hotel that charged an extra $7 for a room on the top floor.

It reminded me of the innkeeper in the musical version of “Les Miserables”:

“Charge ’em for the lice, extra for the mice, two percent for looking in the mirror twice.
 Here a little slice, there a little cut, three percent for sleeping with the window shut!”

Let’s hope none of these creative geniuses ever saw “Sweeney Todd.”

Criminal Carelessness

April 14, 2018

A woman who applied for a job at a county jail in New Hampshire was arrested

when employees discovered that she was wanted by police in Maine.