If You Can’t Beat ’Em…

March 28, 2021

 

A stray pup in North Carolina kept entering a Dollar Store to visit a friend. Whenever customers opened the door, the dog would come in and head for a purple stuffed unicorn.

Eventually, employees locked the door and called police.

The police officer solved the problem by buying the unicorn, then carrying it out of the store, with the dog following.

 

Epilogue:

The dog and his friend were taken to a shelter, and it looks like he’s found a home. The Dollar Store says it will send more unicorns to whoever adopts him.

  

Can't You Just Say, "No, thank you."?

March 27, 2021

 

Krispy Kreme is taking heat for offering a free donut to people who get the COVID vaccine. It may not convince people to get the vaccine, but it’s a nice post-vaccine treat, for people who go for that sort of thing.

But snarky people are griping that donuts aren’t exactly healthy, and they’re being vocal about it on social media. As if one donut is going to make or break a person’s health record.

 

Look, it was a nice gesture. If you don’t want the donut, don’t get one. No need to get hateful about it.

   

  

Maybe I Can Put It Off for Another Year

 

March 27, 2021

 

I noticed two women at work wearing the same shirt. It must be this year’s fashion. I should go to the store and check things out.

 

I think I’m good, though. My wardrobe planning for the week included my “new” sweater—the one I bought 4 years ago.

I Feel a Song Coming On

March 27, 2021

The tanker stuck in Egypt reminded me of that old U2 song:

I’m stuck in the Suez, and I can’t get out of it.

This College Association Doesn't Seem to Learn

 

March 21, 2021

 

An NCAA basketball player posted a video of the equipment in the women’s weight room at the tournament site in San Antonio. The equipment consisted of a single set of dumbbells.

She then contrasted it to the well-stocked weight room provided for male players in Indiana.

Haven’t NCAA officials heard about the movement to treat women equally with men? It’s been around for a few years—OK, decades; which is ample time for them to learn that unequal treatment doesn’t just lead to bad optics, or to treating half of its bread and butter as sub-worthy of respect—it’s bad for business as well.

 

For an organization that has “College” in its name, it seems awfully slow on the uptake.

It Was Only Patriotic When Somebody Else Did It

March 19, 2021

 

I saw a picture on Facebook of patriotic Americans bringing in metal to recycling facilities in WWII. Two of the citizens were bringing in the metal headboards from their bed. It was a testament to how Americans in WWII were willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the country.

It was posted, with no sense of irony, by someone who vocally opposes the wearing of masks, and is spreading misinformation about COVID vaccines.

 

So: Sacrificing for America in the past: Good.

       Inconveniencing you for America in the present: Outrageous government overreach.

 

 

Got it.

 

Cui Bono from Virus Disinformation?

March 18, 2021

 

In murder mysteries, the first question asked is always, “Cui bono?” Who benefitted from the crime?

So much disinformation about the efficacy of masks, and the safety of the COVID vaccine, is floating around, that I have to ask the question:

 

Spreading disinformation about the virus—whom does it benefit?

 

When somebody’s working this hard toward the goal of not taking safety precautions, and thereby wiping out large numbers of people, what are they getting out of it?

A conspiracy theorist might say that hospitals will make money on all the patients they’re treating; but hospitals have been overwhelmed; they’ll probably never collect on the outrageous bills that COVID patients are running up; and they postponed the elective surgeries that would actually make them money. So I’m taking them out of the running.

A conspiracy theorist might also say that drug manufacturers are cleaning up from the manufacture of vaccines. But there’s no evidence that a drug manufacturer created the virus; and the vaccine-creation effort has been in countries around the world. Are all those companies in all those countries in cahoots? Doubtful.

Who else? Some said that Democrats merely fear-mongered the extent of the virus to win the presidential election. But did they spread the virus around the world in order to achieve that aim? Again, doubtful.

Who benefits from preventing people to take elementary precautions against spreading a virus?

Well, people in states with largely rural populations seem less inclined to take precautions. They are the most vocal about not surrendering their freedom, so they seem like they are going to be the most vulnerable in the end. And what do rural people have?

 

LAND.

 

And whoever controls the land controls the economy. Food, essential minerals, construction space…All depend on having land.

So, I conclude that the source of resisting elementary precautions, leading to more COVID deaths, is a bunch of land-hungry people who want to control the world.

 

Makes as much sense as anything else I’ve heard. 

Credit Where It's Due

March 20, 2021

 

Joe Biden is taking credit for whomping the virus with his vaccine rollout. You’d think he’d orchestrated the manufacture of it himself. He has definitely had a steadying hand on the distribution of the vaccine, which is vital; but he did not single-handedly oversee the creation of it.

I feel that giving credit where it is due, although perhaps not winning points with some people, really is the best policy. At any rate, it gives your enemies one fewer weapon to use against you. (“He’s lying,” for example.)

 

If he takes credit for things he didn’t do, how long before somebody brings up that old plagiarism charge?

 

 

Does It Come with Chocolate Chips?

 March 20, 2021

 

I just saw a picture of an object in space that scientists think is the remnant of a planet from beyond our solar system. It’s shaped like a cookie.

 

Suddenly, I’m hungry.

 

 

A Super(spreader) Event

 March 18, 2021

 

Although vaccines in Missouri have gone largely to rural areas without enough people to use them up, our governor is planning to make up for the neglect of the metropolitan regions by holding mass vaccination events in Kansas City and the St. Louis area.

So if you didn’t have the virus before, you can always catch it there.

 

 

(Kidding!—IF they have appointments and don’t crowd everyone in the vaccination site at once. We’ll have to wait and see.)

A New Record

 

March 17, 2021

 

Another temp job, another computer system to learn. Usually, it takes a few days before I hear somebody say, “I’ve never seen it do THAT before!” (And not in a complimentary tone.)

 

This time it took me 15 minutes.

The Power of 5

March 14, 2021

 

Roman numerals had tally marks for 1-4, then a V for 5. I just read that in Maya writing, dots meant single units and a bar represented 5.

 

I thought it was cool that 2 different ancient civilizations, on 2 different continents, marked off by 5. Is it because we have 5 fingers on one hand? What’s the deal? Did anybody else do it that way?

Looking Beneath the Surface

March 10, 2021

A friend forwarded several of these photos to me. When I saw them, at first I saw women carrying burdens that are too heavy for most of us to bear, performing incredible feats on a daily basis. But I also saw more: I saw engineers; I saw problem-solvers—CEO’s and office managers. I saw athletes and artists and time-management specialists. I saw people that I would like to go to when I needed help, because I'm pretty sure they'd find a way to do it.

 

What do you see?

(April 25: Now you see nothing. But they were great pictures.)

+2

Modern Miracles

 

March 10, 2021

 

My sister accidentally dialed me for a video call this morning. Even though she didn’t have time to talk, I got to see her smiling face for a minute, which brightened my day considerably.

Think about that: Technology has come so far that you can accidentally get into a video call with somebody.

How cool is that?

His Opponents May Have a Shot

 

March 9, 2021

 

In a stunning reversal of policy, Missouri has now decreed that more COVID-19 vaccines will go to heavily populated areas with lots of at-risk people, instead of being sent to rural areas where demand (and desire) for the vaccine is low.

Cynics claim that the rural areas got access to the vaccine because they voted heavily for Gov. Parson, while the metropolitan areas did not. The governor, of course, denies it.

 

Ah, well. Better late than never, right?

 

Don't Let One Person Hold Your Company Hostage

 

March 6, 2021

I have worked with no fewer than 4 companies where one person would refuse to train others on his or her position, possibly because s/he wanted job security, possibly for other reasons.

 

At one place, the Information Hoarder had to be on medical leave for 6 months, and the company was in a world of hurt.

 

To avoid being caught in that type of situation, take these steps:

• ALWAYS have a procedure manual for each department. It won’t contain the extra knowledge in the Information Hoarder’s head—which clients need special handling, how to deal with quirks in the software, etc.—but you won’t be crippled if the person is gone for a while.

• If you already have an Information Hoarder and cannot convince the person that it is in his or her best interests, as well as the company’s, to train someone, ask the company that provided the software how much it would charge to train someone else. It’ll cost you, but you won’t be at the mercy of the Information Hoarder any more.

Protect your company. Don’t let someone else call the shots.

 

Are Human Resources Directors Human?

 

March 2, 2021

 

After I made it through 2 rounds of interviews with a company, both of which I thought went well, and one of which I really enjoyed, I got an email regretting that they had gone with another person, and wishing me luck. I emailed back, “Thanks for letting me know.”

My email bounced back because it was sent to an address that sent out auto-emails. After two interviews, the HR Director hadn’t even bothered to send a personal email. I thought, “Dang, that was cold. And tacky!”

But believe it or not, that’s not the worst that can happen. The worst is when you go through interviews, the HR Director says s/he’ll be in touch, and then never lets you know that you are no longer being considered.

Now, let’s think about this. People who are looking for jobs are often not in the best of situations. They are likely unemployed, which is very stressful. Do they really need the added stressor of being left on tenterhooks, hoping that they’ll be hired; only to realize gradually that it ain’t gonna happen?

What do people learn in HR school? Apparently, it’s not to be empathetic.

One of my friends said, “That’s the real world. Suck it up.”

It seemed like a stupid thing to say. Why not try to make the “real world” a little better for each other? This would be a simple way to relieve a lot of stress for someone in need: Tell them that they didn’t get the job, so that they can stop hoping.

 

Try it, HR Directors. Find some way to connect with people. It’s sort of your job.

 

He Rushed Out of Here

 March 4, 2021

In response to a Missouri legislator’s proposal to declare the late Rush Limbaugh’s birthday Rush Limbaugh day (on the grounds that Rush was born here), Post-Dispatch columnist Bill McClellan pointed out that Rush didn’t like Missouri enough to live here once he hit the big time.

McClellan also listed a lot of other people who could have called Missouri home, but chose not to. One of those people wrote an article in 2011 extolling the virtues of flying Southwest Airlines to get home to his family every weekend. The man was the chief marketing officer for what was then the St. Louis Convention and Visitors Commission; the home he couldn’t wait to get to was in Baltimore. 

Apparently, nobody held it against him. He’s still working with the bureau, and he still lives in Baltimore.