Back to My Roots

January 29, 2021

 

This blog was originally created to talk about the funny side of life.

In 2020, and in the first month of 2021, I blogged a lot about political issues and about the coronavirus, which meant that there were fewer laughs for the reader.

I’m going to try to go back to just writing about the fun stuff. That means that there will be far fewer entries, and they’ll be what some people consider fluff, and not worth reading.

So, to the 4 readers I gained in 2020, I apologize. I hope I don’t lose you, but thanks for reading while you did.

Laziness Pays Off

January 28, 2021

 

Lots of Americans have reported gaining weight during the pandemic. The weight gain is attributed to stress eating and to reduced activity levels.

I’m as susceptible as the next person to stress eating; but I can’t really say I’ve reduced my activity any.

 

If you all were as lazy as I am, you wouldn’t have to worry about reduced activity levels, either. Your metabolism wouldn’t even know the difference.

Why Is Protectionism OK Now?

January 28, 2021

 

President Biden just signed an order decreeing that government agencies should Buy American whenever possible.

I thought that protectionism was a bad thing. So why are we doing it again? Or continuing it?

The order also says that the government will replace the current fleet of vehicles owned by the federal government with electric vehicles produced in the U. S. Is that a cost-efficient move? Unless the president means vehicles will be replaced as they age out, and not just dumped wholesale.

 

Questions, questions.

 

Are They Lazy, or Arrogant?

January 25, 2021

 

I heard an actor in a recent TV episode pronounce the name of the town Wilkes Barre, PA as Wilkes-Bar. It was unsettling because, in the show, he lived near there, and should have known how to pronounce it (Wilks Berry or Berra).

I’ve mentioned before that Hollywood has shown ignorance about any region in the U.S. that isn’t LA. Louisiana has parishes, not counties; not all southern accents sound the same; if water is running in the gutters in Fargo, ND in January, the residents won’t be bundled up in parkas—it would be too warm for that.

So I that wish writers and actors would try to make the audience feel like they’re really interested in, and knowledgeable, about the region they’re depicting.

 

 

Friends Look Out For Each Other

January 22, 2021

 

An adorable video shows two groups of penguins traveling in opposite directions meeting up. When the groups resume their travels, one penguin heads off with the wrong one.

As he looks around, confused, another penguin from his group comes back to get him and brings him safely back to his friends and family.

  

The Good-Hearted Thief

 

January 22, 2021

 

Oregon police report that a man stole a car which was left unlocked, with the engine running, outside a grocery store.

 

When the thief realized that a child was in the car, he drove back to the store, returned the child to the mother, scolded her, threatened to call the police on her, and drove off again.

 

 

 

Mix and Match Councils

January 26, 2021

 

Turning our political-dysfunction attention to the local level, I present once again the St. Louis County Council.

This is the body that voted 4-3, along political lines, to give entire control of federal COVID relief funding to the County Executive. I was not in favor of the idea.

Now, some of those individuals, once again demonstrating their remarkable lack of good judgment, have held an election to determine who chairs the council—including one board member whose term had expired, before her replacement was installed.

Other board members cried foul, and held another vote after the newly-elected board member was installed. Not surprisingly, a different chairwoman was elected.

Also not surprisingly, lawsuits have been filed.      

 

While the courts sort things out, I hope that some practical issues get dealt with. Just, you know, for kicks.

 

 

Bigfoot Should Avoid Oklahoma

 January 22, 2021

 

An Oklahoma legislator wants to have a Bigfoot Hunting Season. He’s hoping that it will increase tourism.

The legislature, thinking of all the steps involved in creating a hunting season for a mythical creature, declined.

Still, if I were Bigfoot, I wouldn’t spend my vacation there.

 

Update to "Check Those Stress Levels"

January 25, 2021

 

In “Check Those Stress Levels” (Sept. 11, 2020), I said that, although COVID was first thought to strike older and less healthy people, even people who went running were getting sick. I thought that maybe the amount of stress in people’s lives might be a contributor to how sick they got.

Today I saw an article on Yahoo!, originally published on Insider, that recommends that people with COVID avoid exercise, even if they're asymptomatic. The article says that anything more than a brisk walk could make the infection worse, “as higher-intensity exercise can temporarily reduce immune function.”

So, even if isn’t stress in general that gets you, don’t overdo the exercise. You may be inadvertently doing yourself some harm.

 

https://www.yahoo.com/news/people-covid-19-avoid-exercise-215546507.html

 

 

Define "Patriot"

January 19, 2021

 

One of the patriotic people who broke into the Capitol stole a laptop from Nancy Pelosi’s office.

She was allegedly hoping to sell it to the Russians.

For her edification, I append the definition of “Patriot” from the online dictionary.

“Patriot: A person who vigorously supports their country and is prepared to defend it against enemies or detractors.”

 

So, is she a citizen of Russia?

 

Hail, Columbia

 

January 24, 2021

 

Josh (“Most Likely to Teach What He Doesn’t Practice”) Hawley taught Constitutional law and Constitutional theory at the University of Missouri Columbia before becoming a U.S. senator and leaving his ethics at the door.

The university currently employs Frank Bowman, a Constitutional law expert and law professor.

Bowman says that the Senate impeachment trial for former President Trump can bring in statements from people who believed that Trump was inciting them to storm the Capitol and take back the government by force.

Hawley, of course, is dead-set against a conviction, because he professes to believe that Trump did nothing wrong.

Two thoughts on this situation:

1. Maybe Mizzou should host a debate between their current and former professors. 
2. Are any Mizzou students nervous about the quality of the education they’re receiving?

 

 

 

Taking the Sting Out of the Injection

January 22, 2021

People who are receiving COVID vaccinations at Salisbury Cathedral are also getting a dose of entertainment.

Organists are taking turns playing both classical music and show tunes (among others) to help pass the time while people wait in line. Many of the people are elderly, and haven’t been able to get out of the house or hear live music in months, so hearing the music makes the long wait almost like a day out.

Way to go.

 

When You Care Enough To...

January 12, 2021

 

Hallmark Cards, known for penning warm, fuzzy sentiments about how much people care about each other, requested that Josh Hawley give back the political donation it had made to his campaign.

Does anybody else think it’s weird that a company that talks about how important people and feelings are,

 

Backed a guy who tried to repeal the Affordable Care Act?

Advice for Budding Politicians

 January 16, 2021

 

As easy as it would be for whoever campaigns against Blunt and Hawley in the next election to point out the horrible things they’ve done and left undone in their terms,

I hope that they will also list the positive changes they intend to push for. Just saying that somebody else is a sorry excuse for a Champion of the People doesn’t mean that you’ll be any good.

 

So tell us what you’re going to do, and how you’re going to do it. And mean it.

 

 

When the Guests Get Unruly

 January 13, 2021

 

You’ve seen those movies where a kid throws a party, and things get WAY out of hand. Well, a house in Vermont may have just the thing for dealing with those out-of-control guests: A 7-cell jail attached.

The home used to be the jailer’s residence for Essex County. It’s now on the market.

Think about it: This way the hosts can assure the parents that their kids won’t drive home drunk.

 

 

Kvetch, Kvetch, Kvetch

 January 20, 2021

 

It was a nice Presidential Inauguration. But I did have a couple of caveats.

The audience was NOT socially distanced,

and Garth Brooks did not wear a mask, even when he wasn’t singing.

 

But, except for the COVID-spreading potential, I enjoyed watching it.

 

Dueling Prejudices

January 16, 2021

 

An article today mentioned a person in authority making some sort of high-level decision, and I sort of trusted her automatically, because she was a woman.

Then I realized that she had been appointed to the position by a guy that I think is an incompetent jerk.

 

Dang it, now I may have to rely on facts in order to decide if I think she’s doing the right thing.

 

 

Letting It Go to the Dogs

January 16, 2021

 

I read another article today on a new Rapid Test being developed for COVID. Instead of spending more and more money on developing quick tests for COVID,

 

Why don’t we just train a lot more dogs to sniff out the virus? Their accuracy rate has been shown to be very high.

 

Think of how many tests could get done in an hour, let alone a day. Sniff—Yep. Sniff—Nope.

 

I really hope that, once this method is thoroughly vetted, it will be adopted on a wide scale.

An Awkward Position

January 15, 2021

 

The lawyer for one of the men charged with participating in the riot at the Capitol wants President Trump to pardon him,

 

on the grounds that he believed the president’s lies about the election being stolen.

I wonder how the president would phrase that pardon.

 

 

Absentminded People Need Not Apply

January 18, 2021

A man who was arrested at a security checkpoint with an unauthorized Inauguration security pass, an unlicensed and unregistered gun, and 500 rounds of ammo says that it was all a mistake.

He was a contractor working security, and wasn’t aware of D.C. gun laws. The gun didn’t need to be licensed in his home state of Virginia, so he didn’t think that it was an issue. He said that he pulled up to the checkpoint because he was lost. He also said that he didn’t recall having the ammo with him.

Prosecutors seemed satisfied with his story. But,

 

He seems a little absentminded to be hired to work with loaded weapons.

 

She Isn't Very Observant

 January 18, 2021

 

A Texas realtor who attended the Capitol riot wants a pardon from President Trump.

She says that she didn’t notice any violence at the scene;

 

Apparently not even when she took that selfie next to the broken Capitol window.

Maybe They Can Stay There

 

January 14, 2021

 

Indignant that people and corporations are abandoning his father, Eric Trump asserted that Donald Trump “would get followed to the ends of the earth by a hundred million Americans.”

 

Good.

Don't Cut Corners

 January 16, 2021

 

I think it’s admirable that President-Elect Biden is trying to ramp up production of the COVID vaccine.

I just don’t want anybody taking shortcuts to make sure that they get that many doses produced quickly.

 

 

He's a Stickler for Accuracy

 January 13, 2021

 

A man is suing the makers of King’s Hawaiian sweet rolls because they aren’t made in Hawaii, and the packaging implies that they are. 

(For the record, they used to be, hence the name.)

Wanted: Professional Binge Watcher

 January 13, 2021

 

The pandemic gave a lot of people plenty of time to watch Netflix and eat pizza.

Now, one website is offering to pay somebody $500 to do just that.

BonusFinder wants a person to watch and review 3 series on Netflix. The other part of the job? Eat takeout pizza from different places and review those, too.

 

If you’re interested, you can apply on BonusFinder’s website.

 

 

I Think The Kingston Trio Sang About Him

 January 13, 2021

 

In the song “Everglades”, the Kingston Trio sings about a man who hides in the Everglades to escape justice. Law enforcement officials leave him there, deciding that “If the skeeters don’t get him then the gators will.”

 

A real-life instance of this happened in Darwin, Australia, where a fugitive cut off his monitoring bracelet and ended up in a mangrove swamp, covered in insect bites and—yep—sitting in a tree branch about 3 feet above some crocodiles.

 

This man was given a ride by some kindly boaters, taken to a hospital, and subsequently re-arrested.

 

 

 

 

If You Have No Shame, You Can't Be Stopped

 January 14, 2021

 

I suppose it’s touching how people insist on thinking that basic human decency, or public shaming, will force politicians to clean up their acts. But if a person has no shame (read: Conscience), he or she will be pretty much unstoppable.

The latest entry in the “I don’t give a damn what you think” stakes is Missouri’s own Josh Hawley. Following such exponents of the art as Donald Trump, Ted Kennedy, and the Chinese government in the Tiananmen Square affair, Josh intends to stand his ground, ignore his bad deeds, and continue on his political path. 

And he will.

 

Was She Taken by Surprise?

January 14, 2021

 

Today’s Post-Dispatch reports that some health care workers are reluctant to get the COVID vaccine.

One woman is quoted as saying that, since she has lupus, she wants to talk more with her doctor to make sure that the vaccine is safe for her immune system.

The vaccine has been out for several weeks. She could have called her doctor and discussed it; maybe even emailed her doctor and discussed it.

 

So why is she just getting around to asking about it now, when the perishable doses are here, and the pandemic is showing no signs of slowing?

They Could Take Some Lessons

 January 13, 2021

According to Huffpost.com, Twitter users are wondering why it was easier to storm the U.S. Capitol last week,

 

than it was to storm Area 51 last August.

 

The Other Josh

 January 12, 2021

 

Josh Hawley inflamed rioters at the Capitol by pretending to believe that the election was stolen from President Trump. People died as the result of the riots. Some people are mad at Josh.

Joshua Williams was at a protest caused by the killing of a Black man in December of 2014. He helped loot a store, stole some gum and a bag of chips, and set a trash can on fire.

Prosecutors recommended 15 years in prison for the 18-year-old. He was sentenced to 8, and is still in prison.

One man contributes to deaths, and people are outraged. He remains unfazed and unapologetic.

 

Another man protests deaths and does something stupid, but doesn’t kill anybody. He remains in jail.

 

 

 

(This post is the result of a column in the Post-Dispatch by Antonio French.)

 

 

Don't Count Josh Hawley Out Yet

 January 12, 2021

 

A lot of people think that Josh Hawley should resign from the Senate, after having helped incite a riot at the Capitol last week. Citizens are demonstrating, and major corporations are pulling their support.

Although some of his colleagues are annoyed with Hawley, he really has no incentive to step down. Why not?

• Because senators have tolerated the President’s excesses for four years. They’re not going to suddenly become conscientious about their duties of protecting the country from bad leadership, no matter how much they protest right now.
• Because the “Stop the Steal” mentality isn’t limited to the rioters. Lots of solid citizens—voters—feel the same way, and the Republicans don’t want to alienate them. So they’re not going to go after Hawley, no matter how egregious his conduct is. The only thing that will make them act is if they feel that Hawley’s actions will somehow negatively affect their own careers. Period.
• Because people’s memories are short. He may be denied a committee seat for a while, but otherwise, Hawley can wait for this to blow over. And it will. And he may very well run for president.

And nobody will stand in his way. He just has to wait it out.

 

 

Toughen Up: Drive in a Cold Car

 January 7, 2021

 

Well, it’s winter again. A mild winter, so far.

But even though it’s mild, people insist on starting their cars to warm them up, then going inside for 20 minutes while the car spews emissions into the air.

You know, it doesn’t take a car that long to warm up when you’re driving it. And if you think that you’re doing it a favor by warming the engine, like back in the old days when that really worked, think again. Or look online. Starting the car and just letting it run is not any better for the car’s engine than it is for the atmosphere.

So toughen up. Put on those coats and gloves, hop in the car, and drive. It won’t be too long before you’re nice and toasty;

 

And the rest of us won’t have to breathe bad air.

Has She Learned Nothing in the Past Four Years?

 

January 7, 2021

 

Someone mentioned that she was a little disappointed that snow never seemed to get farther east than Rolla, MO.

I suggested that perhaps the Missouri University of Science and Technology in Rolla was putting emanations into the atmosphere, making it snow there and stopping the snow from moving east.

Someone else chimed in that perhaps she should take up the issue with the National Weather Service, and blame them for making forecasts that she didn’t like. There is an office in her home town that she could easily get to.

She countered by saying that perhaps she should go to Rolla and take it up with the university.

That’s not how it works, we said. You’d still be holding on to threads of logic, in that scenario.

Have you learned nothing from watching politicians?

As Long As They're Safe, They're Not Outraged

 January 7, 2021

 

Some Republican lawmakers expressed shock and disavowed the rioting at the U.S. Capitol yesterday, saying that this is not what democracy is about.

As of this writing (1:06 p.m. CST), only one Republican legislator has called for President Trump’s removal, after he encouraged the rioting.

 

As long as they’re not being attacked by an angry mob, I guess they’re OK with him being in office.

Another Day That Will Live in Infamy

 

January 7, 2021

 

The culmination of four years of refusing to carry out their sworn responsibility to be a check on the President of the United States led legislators to hide from their own constituents, when rioters stormed the Capitol building yesterday.

I don’t care how appalled members of the legislature claim to be. They could have stopped this nonsense years ago by refusing to support, and to connive at, the overturning of the Constitution of the United States by the president. It was apparent that the president needed those checks and balances, and they refused to do what they were there for: check him.

Political ambition led them to support actions that they knew ranged from the detrimental to the deranged.

You’ve already read enough political commentary and analysis about this, so I don’t need to go into it now. But I hope that every legislator who contributed to this debacle is removed from office; and I wouldn’t mind if many of them went to jail for inciting insurrection, sedition, and whatever other legal terms apply. 

(Unlike Josh Hawley, I am not a lawyer, so I don’t know the technical terms. But he, at least, would know what he was being tried for, even though he pretends to be completely clueless as to how the Constitution works.) 

They could even share jail cells with the rioters, so that they could get to know their supporters personally. 

Boy, would I love to see that!

 

 

Time for Another Wall

 

January 7, 2021

 

I would be fine if every legislator that connived at Trump’s abuse of power, and the voters who supported them, formed their own country.

 

And then we could build a wall to keep them there.

Maybe They Should Have Beards

 

January 6, 2021

 

Did you ever notice that villainesses always dress more sexily than heroines in the movies and on TV? You know which one is bad because she has more skin—usually a generous amount of cleavage, with other areas as well—showing.

“Dark Matter” really brought that home to me. There are 2 different versions of the same character (it’s an alt-universe thing); and you always know which is which by the way she’s dressed.

When there are alternate versions of men, one has a scruffy beard to indicate that he’s not the good guy. Women get push-up bras, midriff shirts, and skin-tight pants. And, good or bad, they wear high-heeled shoes or boots; because heels are so practical for committing villainy or saving the day.

I don’t go picking fights about gender politics, so the fact that I noticed the trend means that it’s pretty blatant. So to all you costume designers out there:

Being sexy doesn’t mean you’re a bad girl. Alternatively, you don’t need to wear a push-up bra in order to captain a pirate spaceship, or rob the Louvre.

 

It's a Worthwhile Life

 January 3, 2021

 

The adorable movie “Soul” reminds you that, even if you’re not living your dream, creating fantastic artwork, discovering a cure for something, or molding young minds as a teacher, you’re still doing something to make the world a better place. 

My dreams are as high-flying as having my book published, and as mundane as being a sermon coach (and believe me, I think I could bring a LOT of good to the world by doing that).

What I actually do is write letters and emails (and this blog). I give my take on the events of the day to people who are stuck at home, and I make them laugh. I love hearing, “You really made my day.”

So, even if I can never give CEOs the benefit of my wisdom on how not to tank their businesses (although they REALLY need it), and even if I can’t stop pastors from lowering their church attendance by giving horrible sermons, I’ve got that to keep me going.

 

“You really made my day.”

 

That’ll do to go on with.

 

"Soul" is Worth Watching

 

January 3, 2021

  

If you get Disney Plus, watch the movie “Soul.” You’ll be glad you did.

 

 

Fair Warning Is Not the Same as Shaming

December 28, 2020

 

There was an editorial in the Post-Dispatch that advised parents to warn their teens about getting drunk at parties and letting predators—often other teens—take compromising pictures that could be posted online, leading to devastating consequences. It made sense to me.

The backlash was amazing. Several people wrote in and accused the editorial board of shaming the victims. The responsibility, they said, lay with the predators not to behave badly (true), not with the victims to not get entrapped. 

So—When you tell your kid not to play in the street, or take candy from strangers, or drive drunk, or walk in Central Park alone after dark, is that shaming the victim? When you tell campers not to put food where a bear can reach it, are you shaming the victim?

No, you’re being responsible and giving neophytes warnings for their own good.

 

Blame the predators for their actions, sure; but by all means, do your best to keep others from being their prey.

 

  

Neither Snow, nor Rain, nor Consideration for Others...

 

January 2, 2021

 

There was an article in today’s paper about the opening of a local ski slope yesterday. I was reading along, vicariously enjoying other people’s fun; but 2 lines in the article caught my eye. The first was that there were icy conditions yesterday; not just on the slopes of, course, but on the roads to get to the ski resort itself. They were risking not only their own lives, but the lives of other people, by driving on icy roads.

The second was that a man from Palm Beach, Florida was very excited about seeing snow and hitting the slopes.

So there we have it. In one article, we find people so focused on having fun that they drive in hazardous conditions, posing a danger to themselves and to others; and people who are traveling and potentially spreading a virus during a pandemic.

To paraphrase the US Postal Service Motto: Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night, nor potential danger to selves or others, stays these people from indulging their need to be entertained.

A Daily Dose of Disappointment

January 2, 2021

 

I thought that eating dried cranberries might be a good snack option: they’re fruit, so they probably have nutritional value; they’re not too sweet; and I certainly wouldn’t be tempted to overindulge.

So, I checked out the package. Turns out that ¼ cup of Craisins brand dried cranberries has 29 grams of sugar, 12% of your daily fiber, and no other nutritional value whatsoever. The sugar is added, not naturally occurring, in case you’re wondering.

Bummer.

 

Guess I’ll look elsewhere for my healthful snack.